Secrets
by Sensue
Summary: Cordy has a secret. Something that she has feared since high school. Faith has a secret too. One of these secrets could be the key to life or death. Complete
1. Prologue

Warnings: Use of some bad language. Sorry, call it purging it all from my system, instead of calling my boss those names. Mostly the F and S words. I'll say if you've ever been to high school, you've probably heard them all before so I'm giving this story a rating of TV-14. 

This is also an AU (alternate universe). I hate season four of Angel and will completely wipe it from existence.

History: In Angel: Cordy and Angel are married and have a two year old Connor as their son. No, he didn't get kidnapped by Wesley and didn't get sucked into a hell dimension for 18 years. Wesley told the others about the Prophesy and they prevented it from happening, only to realize it was faked anyway. Wesley is still the leader of Angel Investigations in this story. Spike, Robin, and Faith have also come to work at Angel Investigations. Don't worry, Lorne will pop up sooner or latter, I haven't forgotten him.

In the Buffy world: it's the beginning of season three. Angel is back on earth, but currently tied up in his mansion. Faith was there, but was not a major player. (Her past self is not in this story.) She was still the loner and didn't hang out with Buffy and the Scoobies. 

Song: _Lies by Evanescence_

Summary: Cordy has a secret. Something that she has feared since high school. Faith has a secret too. One of these secrets could be the key to life or death. 

SECRETS

By: Sensue

Sept. 1, 2003

_Bound at every limb by my shackles of fear  
Sealed with lies through so many tears  
Lost from within, pursuing the end  
I fight for the chance to be lied to again_

Prologue

Fear. Bunching up. Tight. Entraping. The one thing she has feared for so long had finally been brought to light. The secret she held so sacredly now exposed. She had finally been comfortable and safe; lived her life without the fear. She never thought that soon all that she held firmly in heart would be uncovered. 

She kept her head high looking at the others, who were staring at her, as if they had never seen her before. Hadn't lived, loved, and fought at her side before. All that she thought would happen was starting to happen. She would never again be looked at the same way again. 

She fought against this her entire life. How did he find out? It was not something that she'd left out in the open. No one had ever even attempted to look closer. For the most part, no one really cared to notice it. It wasn't even that well hidden. The hidden in plain sight philosophy had never worked so well. It had never failed in the past seven years, not once. Even in high school, her secret was well hidden.

Now it seemed that the one person she had counted on to be completely oblivious, the one who she could never see looking at those things, realized the truth. He, not knowing that it was a secret, told the others what he found. She should have known that he'd find them…he'd always looked through the other's things without asking. He always found things to make fun of the others. Now it seemed it was her turn to be humiliated, shamed, and hurt. 

She should have never tried to help Faith. NO…she couldn't think that. She had to help Faith. If she hadn't, they would have both died. She would have never lived with herself it they died because she didn't help her. 

Please God, don't let them figure it out. Please. Not when everything in her life had finally come together. She was married, had a little boy that called her mommy, and another baby on the way. They wouldn't understand. Angel would be hurt that she didn't tell him. 

They still stared at her. It seemed as if they didn't know what to say. Shock lined there faces. Her friends, no her family, couldn't seem to accept it. 

Spike, AKA William the Bloody, was the first to speak up, "I'm so sorry, Princess. I didn't know that they didn't figure it out yet." Turning towards the others, "You all are bloody blind. How could you have not noticed?" 

The gaping silence lingered a moment longer, while her family gathered their thoughts. 

Angel, her darling husband, spoke softy, his face showed his emotions. The fact that he was incredulous. "I can't believe this, Cordy. Why didn't you tell me?" 

  
This seemed to bring the others to life as Wesley, Fred, Gunn, Faith, and Robin all joined in to ask their questions. "Why? Huh? No way." 

_You will never be strong enough  
You will never be good enough  
You were never conceived in love  
You will not rise above_

Her face turned to stone. "Never show your emotions", her mother always said, "that's how the sharks know when to attack." She felt her face turn even darker as she heard her fathers voice, degrading and filled with displeasure, "the only good thing that Chase women are for are for looking pretty, being a gracious host at political events, and lying on their backs with their legs spread open." 

  
She couldn't let this happen. Her heart started racing, her face starting to flush as the instinct to run hit her. She had to go. Go before they started to laugh. She could face their anger, their shock, and their pity. But the one thing she couldn't face was their laughter. 

She turned and ran up the stairs to the room that she shared with Angel. She locked the doors and sat on the bed, her head down. She kept telling herself to calm down, that stress wasn't good for the baby. She closed her eyes and leaned over to lay on her side. A pillow clutched in her arms as the stone she became broke and she sobbed, now alone and able to cry. 

Damn it. Why? How did William find out? Angel and the others would never have had to know. Why?


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1: Days of Our Lives, or Passions, which ever you prefer.**

It was a really quiet day at Angel Investigations. The demons seemed to be taking a few months off. Now, usually the group would be happy to take a few days off, but lets face it, it was boring. After a while, even a bored person got tired of listening to Gunn and Angel fight about who was the better Playstation™ II game-master. Even Passions was getting stale, no matter how hard Spike tried to assert that "it was the best bloody show on the tely." And then there was the, the only way to describe it was, display that was the relationship of Faith and Robin. 

Faith, one of the slayers, Slayer #2 actually, met Robin Wood right before Sunnydale had been reduced to rubble. They loved each other and moved to LA to join Angel Investigations with their struggle to defeat the forces of evil and gain redemption. Faith, unfortunately, was still wanted by the police after her escape from a maximum security prison. She had to be careful and keep a low profile. She felt horrible, she was so sorry for the hurt that she caused. She knew that she was a murderer and wanted, with all of her heart, to be able to 'let it go', as Robin put it. 

Robin just didn't understand. He was a principal at the old Sunnyhell High, sure his mother was a slayer, but he really didn't know what she felt. There was no way to let it go, and the only one who understood was Angel. He never told her to let it go. He said to work through the pain. To do good deeds, and lead her to hope that one day she could find peace. Faith loved Angel. She loved him like an older brother. An older brother who had done the same thing that she did, only a million times worse, and she knew that he would help her through it. 

Together they were happy. At first. Then the arguments began. Who left the weapons unguarded on the table? Who was being stubborn? Whose turn was it to watch the one TV that they shared? Stupid things, little things, but those little things finally came to a boil after Faith found out she was pregnant, just three months before Cordy. 

Boy was that an argument that the entire block wouldn't forget. 

"You fucking bastard! You knocked me up!!!" Faith screamed at Robin, all the while trying to get within close range to strangle him. "How could you fucking do this to me? I'm going to KILL you. Don't you know who I am? I'm the SLAYER. You are going to die." 

Looking back almost 37 weeks later, it was hilarious. Faith chasing Robin, who had a dumbfounded and shocked look on his face. Angel chasing Faith to keep her from killing Robin. Gunn and Wesley chasing Angel to prevent him from 'accidentally' hurting a newly pregnant Faith. Fred and Cordy hugging each other and going "Aww" in that girly way and trying to keep from crying happily at the news. Two year old Connor sitting on his Uncle Spike's lap, staring in wonder at the weird grown-ups. Spike shaking his head at the group. And then all of them laughing as Angel slipped on Connor's 'blanky', sailed all the way to the other side of the hotel, and landed flat on his back biting his lip from swearing in front of his son. 

You'd of thought that having a baby would keep those two from fighting. No, sir-ee bob, the arguments just got louder. Cordy just wished that Faith would stop being so gosh-darn stubborn. She tried to take Faith aside to tell her that very thing, but Angel told her that it was better if they ALL stayed out of it. After all, if Faith didn't want to get married for the sake of her child, then she didn't have to. It wasn't the fifteenth century or anything. The only problem was that Robin was stubborn himself. He wanted to marry Faith and could not understand WHY she didn't. Thus the arguments. 

It seemed like they were going to get a small reprieve from the "Passions" soap opera that seemed to be their current lives. NEVER say that you're bored in LA. No matter what you think, the minute you actually enjoy the quiet, something really bad happens to make you wish you never said that.

On the way home after stopping a D'tensy demon from destroying a warehouse full of medical supplies one night, Cordy decided to take Connor to the park to play on the swings with the rest of the family. Instead of arguing about who was going to drive and taking the 'Angel Mobile', 'Spike's Luv', or 'Gunn's Sweetheart' to the park, Cordy spoke up and said, "Hey, you've all got legs. Use them! The park's only three blocks away. We'll walk. We'll be there by the time you finish arguing." 

Now, everyone knew that when Cordy got that tone in her voice, you'd better listen. So they all quickly nodded in agreement and were on there way. It was the new Rules for the Peaceful Co-existence in the Hyperion Hotel. Rule #1 was: Don't piss off the pregnant women. This included Faith, who was often, if it was possible worse than Cordy. The two pregnant women in the hotel sure made it a lot of fun for the boys. Faith and Cordy had their own sets of slaves for nine months. Only for nine months, Gunn already stated that, "the second those babies pop out, we ain't gonna do your chores for you. So don't get used to it."

Angel was pushing Connor on the 'big boy' swings, while Cordy, Fred, and Faith went for a walk in order to have one of their girl talks. Wesley, Gunn, Robin, and Spike saw a bunch of teenaged boys playing basketball and went to join them for a game. The ladies, on their walk, talked to Faith about her possibly marrying Robin. They didn't push, just discussed the pros and cons of marriage. Cordy was giving her an inside opinion as the married one in the group. 

Faith was adamant that she didn't want to talk about it. The others knew that she was afraid of marriage, of letting herself love like that, increasing the possibility that she could be hurt in the process if the marriage were to fail. But as Cordy was trying to tell her, life was a risk, and the greatest risk was love. Faith shook her head and walked away from her two girlfriends. She was not in the mood to hear it. 

As Faith walked away from her, Cordy began to feel like a hypocrite; after all they all had their secrets. Herself especially, the secrets she held could destroy her entire image. The entire persona that she emanated could be wiped out. No longer could she hide her true self. She closed her eyes, feeling her baby kick underneath her hands. She could only hope that her baby girl wouldn't have to hide. That she could trust her and Angel to understand how she felt. To know her daughters hopes and dreams and to one day cry proud tears that her daughter was strong enough to accomplish them. She did not fear that Angel would hurt the baby, like her father hurt her with his words, mentally ripping her self-esteem to shreds. Angel would love his daughter, only love, never hate. 

She felt Angel staring at her back. She always knew when he was watching her. She always knew where he was. It was a gift. One that was stronger than the demon-y powers that the PTBs gave her, one that was larger than her ability to see the future; it was the bond that her and her husband shared due to their wedding rings. Angel would always be with her; no matter if they were in close proximity or in another country, she could always feel him and know if he was alright. She turned, looking back at her Angel, smiling at the sight of her son laughing and screaming to pushing "higher, daddy, higher."

The smile slid off of her face seeing something else…something that she never wanted to see again, right behind her family. 

She did the only thing that she could do because she was so pregnant, SHE SCREAMED.


	3. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two: This is HELL.**

_They'll never see   
I'll never be  
I'll struggle on and on to feed this hunger  
Burning deep inside of me_

It swirled, twirled, caused the winds to blow harder, hitting the light poles, lights flashing, blaring its beat as if it were alive. But it wasn't it was just a ripe in the inter-dimensional folds of time and space, in Faith's words, "Another Fucking Portal." Angel and Connor were right behind it. It seemed to be like a hand that grasped them and lifted them up in the air. 

Cordy, Faith, Fred, Wes, Spike, Gunn, and Robin all ran toward the big, swirly hole thing in order to rescue them from its grasp. What they didn't expect was to ALL get sucked up in it. They all floated around, becoming sick and dizzy until it seemed like the floor hit them in the face. 

They thought that the fall was bad. NOPE. WRONG. BZT. What was worse was the actually opening of the eyes to see where they landed. 

The first thing that they heard as they got accustomed to being on solid earth was, "Oh Dear Lord," in that British slightly nasal tone of the man they known as Rupert Giles, Buffy's Watcher at the old Sunnydale High. 

Cordy didn't want to open her eyes. Fear filled her guts and worked its way up to lodge in her throat. "Oh God," she thought, "I'm in Hell. I'm paying for all of the horrible things that I've ever done. Please don't let this be Sunnydale. I never want to ever be in SunnyHell again." 

She heard Angel and Spike behind her. They seemed to be saying exactly the same as what she was thinking. She opened her eyes in resignation to see what she feared. The old library. Buffy. Xander. Willow. Giles. 

And HERSELF. 

Oh Boy. This was not good. 

Wesley, in charge, almost shouted, "No way in hell are we going to stay here! Everyone start researching, there's got to be a way out of this fucking shit hole!" 

Buffy looked like she was going to faint. "Angel…" she whispered so softly that no one heard her. She had tears in her eyes. She took a breath, "Oh God, you must have escaped the chains at the mansion." She quickly realized what she had uttered and turned to see if anyone had heard her. She strangely caught the eye of Spike staring at her, as if he knew something that she didn't. Thinking back of all the vampire lore, Buffy thought that he must have heard her using vampire super-hearing. 

"Oh, my," Giles reiterated again. 

"Well, if I woke up this morning thinking that it was going to be raining evil beings, I would've slept in." Of course, the stupid comments came from the original 'Zeppo Boy', named Xander Harris. 

"HEY. We're not evil," Fred interrupted the town idiot, "We just fell out of the portal. My name's Fred. This is Gunn, Robin, Wesley, Baby Connor, Angel, and Cordy. Oh. You all know Spike, Angel and Cordy…you went to school with them. Well, not Angel and Spike cause their all vampires and school's during the day and we wouldn't want them to burst into flames, but hey you all knew that. Right? 'Cause if you didn't, I'm just joking. There are no such things as vampires. Or monsters in general. Don't worry what I'm talking about. I'm silly. No, I'm drunk. Don't listen to the drunk girl." Fred babbled, fully intent on continuing if it wasn't for the glares she was receiving from the others. "Ok, I'll shut up now."

"Umm, yes we know about vampires. 'Cause Buffy's a Slayer. That's a secret though, one I probably shouldn't have told you, but hey, if you didn't know then, you know now." Willow seemed to chatter as much as Fred did, and that was quite a feat to accomplish. 

"Ok, if we're done being bloody blabbering idiots, can we get to the whole finding a blinding way out of here." Spike was in a great hurry, truly upset that he'd miss another great episode of his favorite show, Passions. "I'm going to miss Passions. They're finally going to bring Timmy back to life again. I can't miss that." 

"I can't believe that you are that obsessed with that show. You're a freak," Angel always found ways to upset Spike, no matter what the occasion. The two always found ways to annoy the other. 

"I'm not a freak. You're a damn Nancy boy from hell." 

"No, I'm not."

"Yes, You are."

"I'm married. You're the poof."

"I'm not a poof, you're the biggest poof-ter in the world. And at least I wasn't a eunuch." 

"I AM NOT A EUNUCH. SEE, there's Connor and my wife's pregnant. That proves that, So HUH."

"Oh, My GOD. You both are the biggest dorks on the planet. Can't you go FIVE MINUTES without fighting? God, you both are worst than my parents were." Cordy had to make that point as the appointed 'mother' in the group.

Buffy, stood with her mouth hung open listening to the love of her life bickering with the vampire that had devoted his life into killing as many slayers as he possibly could in his undead life. To her they sounded like two brothers arguing, not the deadliest of enemies. She stood quietly gawking at them, until she heard the words "married" and "wife" come out of Angel's mouth. In that moment, she pictured their wedding, their children, the nights that they would spend making love and holding each other throughout the day. She would marry Angel. She just knew it. 

Cordy saw Buffy staring at Angel. She saw her get that look on her face. The look that Cordy herself wore whenever she thought of Angel. For a moment, she felt bad for Buffy. She knew what was going to happen. She knew that Angel would leave Buffy, of course, for her own good. If she had wanted to attack Buffy for her utter selfishness, she knew that she wouldn't risk the future; her marriage, her children, and most of all the lives of those they rescued on a daily basis from the evils of LA. They all need to get away from Sunnydale. Get away before someone said something that would inadvertently alert the others to the dangers that they would face. Dangers coming very soon due to the Mayor, Faith, and the Ascension. 

"Guys, listen. I think that we should get out of here. NOW. We can't stay here. I'm afraid that we'll change something that will effect the future. Something that will get us killed if we let it change. I know what it's like to want to change things for the better, but believe me whatever you wish would happen will come back to haunt us later when we get back. Please, let's just get out of here."

Angel, like the devoted husband that Cordy trained him to be, immediately and without another word agreed, if only to keep his pregnant wife from becoming upset. The others quickly realized that what she said was true. They needed to get out of the library and into somewhere where they could be alone to discuss their options and strategies on leaving this hell hole, oh, I'm sorry, the Hell mouth.

"Oh. Wait another Cordy. Oh Boy, as if one complete imbecile wasn't enough. Look everyone there's a matched set." 

Gunn, Spike, Robin, Wesley, and Angel, who were essentially on their way out the door, stopped in the process, turned around and all, Growled, yes growled at Xander. Now, Xander wasn't smart on the uptake, continued mocking Cordy. "It looks like someone sure knocked you up. What's the matter, can't keep all the guys you slept with straight? Hey maybe I can't help, we can call an emergency meeting of the football team for a DNA test." 

The young cheerleader gasped; hurt clouding her face for just a moment before putting that Queen C mask back on. She just couldn't believe it, he actually stung her. She had let him hurt her by not being prepared for this contingency. She knew for a fact that Xander didn't have a fucking clue. The rumors that spread around the school were not only exaggerated, but completely wrong. She had never done anything worse with a boy than make out. She had never been with a boy. Not that way. She couldn't believe that this person was her. It couldn't be. But oh, my god, look at her, not her but the older her. Her hair was colored in blond highlights, cut short across her shoulders. She couldn't believe that she'd done that to herself. She'd never become a "blond" or cut it that short for that matter. And what was even worse was the clothes that she wore. Maternity sweat suits. SWEAT PANTS and SWEAT SHIRT. No way, she must be hallucinating. There was no way that she would ever leave the house dressed that way, pregnant or not. 

It took her at least five glances to then realize that she was indeed pregnant. SHE, Cordelia Chase, was with child. Not only with child but it looked like, from the way that little boy was holding onto her legs that she also had another child. What was wrong with her? How could she let herself get that way?  Oh God. This couldn't be happening. She had to keep it together. There was no way anyone would ever find out. NOT in high school, not in college, and not in whatever stage of life that her older self was in. 

Just as her younger self was staring at her, Cordy stared back, almost laughing at how stupid she was back in high school. That if she could change one thing, it would be her attitude. She should have…NO, she couldn't think like that. What's done is done and there was no sense in wishing. Wishing only brought more hurt. She should know. One of her old acquaintances Anya, a former vengeance demon, had told her, repeatedly actually, that it was her fault that she lost her powers. That is was her wish that caused the alternate reality to merge with this one, even temporarily. 

But the hurt that Xander caused by his crass comments was apparent to all that knew her, her true family. All of them had steam coming out of their ears, all were ready to jump to her defense, ready to attack, maybe even kill for her if she asked. She couldn't have any of them say anything, even by accident in trying to strangle Xander, so she stopped in front of the boys, gently placed a hand for a second on each of their chests and softly said, "Thank you. Thank you for trying to defend me. But he isn't worth it. Let's just go." With those words spoken, she turned towards Xander, inching until she was in her personal space, then taking a deep breath, launched her fist in his face. The crash startled the entire room. Xander had landed clearly at least five feet away. Angel and Spike burst into giggles, shaking their heads at the stupidity of breaking rule #1, never piss of a pregnant woman.

"Goodbye, Buffy, Xander, Giles, Willow. See you all in 6 years or so. We can't stay here. Goodbye and Good luck."

The fang gang all turned, walking slowly in order to help the two pregnant women down the stairs and out the door of the library. The Scooby Gang just staring as they made their exit. The best part of the situation turned out to be that it was past sunset, so the two vampires could make their escape with the others without having to burst into flames, or having to wear very unappealing 'Burkas.'

They all walked in silence all thinking about what had happened. About how they were going to get back. 

Angel finally broke the silence. "We should all go to a hotel or something. We need to get some sleep. Tomorrow morning we could go to the Wicca's Magick Shop and see if we can find a way out of here. Is that okay, Wesley?"

"I think that's the best idea anyone has had yet."

They all continued their walk, not considering the fact that the usually most assertive member of the team did not say one word this entire time. Faith walked slowly, focusing on her breathing, but really sore due to the fall out of the portal. Occasionally, a twinge of pain would shoot up her back, but she ignored it, calling herself a wimp for feeling like that. She kept walking never thinking that there was anything wrong at all. 


	4. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three: Sleep like a Baby**

They walked until they reached the "bad part of town" where all the hotels seemed to reside. Of course, the bad part of town was only a block away from the good part, but that was Sunnydale, the one Starbuck's town. The hotel that they chose didn't seem to care what they looked like or how many people were going to share a room, just that they would pay for the rooms in cash. You had to love the people in this town. They made people like the Alibi's owner Willy seem like a patron saint. 

Faith, Cordy, Angel, Robin, and Connor shared a room, while the others all roomed in another. They all talked quietly until it was decided to go to bed. Connor was tucked in right in between the queen sized bed Angel and Cordy shared, while Robin and Faith shared the other smaller bed. Connor, like the little Angel he was fell asleep against his mother's breast. Angel held onto his family, also fell asleep listening to them breathe. Robin fell asleep rather quickly too, it was exhausting; the company always worked hard, trying to keep the evil from hurting innocence, more often than not by fighting hand-to-hand with demons stronger than the normal human. It was utterly exhausting.

The only person who didn't sleep was Faith. It seemed no matter how she turned or where she moved she couldn't get comfortable. Her back was hurting. She never once woke anyone to complain, just kept it inside and ignored her body's warnings. 

Cordy, thinking back was kicking herself mentally. She should've noticed that Faith was having trouble. She should have sensed this. 

She should have done something. But she didn't know. She didn't know.

Morning came and with it a new mission: to get back home. Wesley and Gunn volunteered to go to the Magick Shop to get books on time travel, hoping they would come across or perhaps order the Arishma'hm Oricle. Wesley had said it was the book on time travel. It was the most complete text anyone had ever seen on the phenomena. If there was a way to get home, that book held the key. Cordy, accompanied by Fred went on a mini shopping spree for the essentials. (Extra clothes, food, baby supplies for Connor, weapons, etc.) Robin ended up having to take Connor to the park because he was getting restless sitting in a dark and dingy hotel room with his vampire father and uncle. Faith, saying that she was just tired opted to staying with the two and trying to get more sleep. Sleep was just not coming for her. It was strange, but the pain that she felt the night before were increasing. Still she didn't wake Spike or Angel.


	5. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4: Give it up, already**

Meanwhile, at the Magick Shop, Wesley and Gunn were trying to get the owner to hand over the only copy of the Arishma'hm Oricle that was in the entire Northern Hemisphere to them. The owner was not going to just hand it over. "I'm sorry, I just can't let you have it. It's very strong magicks. I could not in deepest consciousness allow the likes of you to hold the key to time travel. Who knows what you'd do with that power? No, you two hoodlums have to leave now." The young lady seemed nice at first dressed in a long flowing dress that the Wicca's seemed to prefer, but she'd taken one look at them and thought them to be gangsters. Damn sterotypes. 

"Yo. Lady, we ain't 'hoodlums'. We're good guys. We own a business and we really need that book. So, why don't you just hand it over? We'll pay you." Gunn attempted to be civil to the woman, but inside he was steaming. He thought that he'd escaped the racism and prejudice in LA. But it seemed that this 'white people-ville' didn't seem to know that the race wars were over and that they were all equals now. "I hate the suburbs," he muttered under his breath.

"No. Now I mean it, you both leave or I'll call the police." 

"Alright, there's no reason to get upset. We'll leave now. You have a pleasant day." Wesley took Gunn by the arm and pulled him out the door. 

"Wes, man. We need that damn book. That bitchy woman won't let us buy it." 

"I know. So we'll just give ourselves the five finger discount. We'll come back after six when she closes and we'll break in and just take it." 

"Wes. Are you okay? You, YOU are actually thinking of stealing something? Wow. I never thought this day would come. YES." Gunn pumped his arms up in the air. "You the man, English." The gave each other high fives and continued to walk back to the hotel to let the others know that they did indeed find the book and that they would get it, no matter what the owner said. From what Spike had told them earlier, the owner would die soon anyway. He'd kill her in order to get the love spell from Willow, after Dru had broken up with him. There was nothing that could be done about that. They couldn't change the future too much. Surely stealing a book wouldn't lead to the end of the world, would it?

They both walked back to the hotel. Knocked on the door, gave a warning that 'sunlight was acomin' and opened it slowly. They entered the hotel, a smile coming to their faces when they saw that Spike and Angel were hiding under their covers. It was quite a sight. Wesley took a minute to go check on Faith in the other interconnected room. Faith seemed to be asleep, but Wesley noticed that she was sweating. He went over to where she was lying and gently put a hand on her forehead. She stirred lightly, but kept the groan from escaping her lips. It seemed to be getting worse, but she couldn't tell them. They all had other things to worry about. They needed to get home first. Wesley satisfied that she didn't have a fever left her to sleep and went over to the other room to go over the plans with the others. 

Moments later there was another knock on the door and the "suns a-coming" warning was given out again so that the two vampires could hide as the two ladies came in holding loads of shopping bags. As soon as the door closed they all jumped up to help put the bags down. It was one of those woman things the men guessed. Never let a woman go on a shopping spree. They'll never return with less that eight bags of supplies. This time the shopping spree was warranted. The ladies seemed to know what the plans were, as if they were psychic,  because they not only brought knives, rope, pieces of wood to turn to stakes, but also toothbrushes, hairbrushes, and the most comfortable black attire they could ever wear to break into a shop ever created. (Black ski masks also included.)

"Cordy, how in the world did you pay for this? The business credit cards don't work yet, because technically we don't have a business yet." Before Cordy could answer Angel, the door suddenly opened to reveal a small monster covered in mud followed by an adult size mud covered man. 

"Mommy," the flash of light from the door quickly dispersed as Robin shut the door. The monster threw himself on his mother's legs. Hugging her and liberally spreading all of the mud all over her. 

"Hello, my little angel, I was going to ask if you had fun, but I can see that you did. Oh, boy. You sure did make a mess. You're going right in the tub."

"NO. no, bath."

"Yes, bath. Uncle Will can help you make bubbles if you are good. We'll be very fast," then she turned to William, "Will, can you please get Connor cleaned up. I can't bend down like I used to, in the good ol' days." 

"Not a problem, Princess. Your wish is my command." William gallantly reached down kissed her hand, then quickly gathered the mud monster for a bath. Maybe you should take one too, Robin. Unless mud splatter is the new 'in' style?"

"Shut up, Spike," Robin muttered. He still hated Spike. The evil that he was killed his mother. He still wanted Spike dead, but at the same time recognized his attempt to gain redemption. He was, with the help of Angel, turning into quite the champion. All of his feelings were conflicting; he truly didn't know what to do. He hated the vampire, but was being to like the man, if that made sense at all. Forgetting Spike for a moment, he went to go check on Faith. What he saw scared him. "ANGEL, CORDY, get in here. NOW." 


	6. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five: Remember, Cordy, Remember** [_Remember the movie Hocus Pocus. "Remember, Winnie, remember."_]

Faith was covered in sweat. She was groaning and moaning. Her back arched off the bed as she tried to alleviate the pain somehow. "Oh, My God. Faith," with those words Cordy seemed to spring into action. She pulled off the covers only to see that the bed was covered in blood. The stench of it permeated the room. "Fred. Get Spike in here. Finish cleaning Connor off, and then take him somewhere. I don't care where, just not here. Get him some ice cream or something. Robin, get me some towels. Angel go get my purse, in it is a small plastic first aid kit, get it for me. Ok. Faith, it's going to be okay. I'm going to help you."

Cordy took a breath, closed her eyes and tried to remember the things that she knew she could remember from her studies. Her face showed strength and determination that they would not die. First she placed the towels in between to attempt to slow the blood or at the very least clean off the most of it so she could see. "Angel, is the baby's heart still beating?" "Yes." "How many beats in 30 seconds? Count it and tell me." Angel, listening with vampire hearing said 60 beats. Mentally doing the math in her head she found it to be acceptable, for now. Now, she checked internally trying to feel the baby's position. Damn, it hadn't turned all the way, yet. It was breeched. "Spike, get me a very sharp knife from the shopping bag near the door. Faith, listen to me, I've got to get the baby out. It's not turned all the way, its bottom is stuck and it can't turn. I'm afraid that I'll have to do a c-section. Do you trust me? Will you let me help you?" 

Faith, crying now, nodded yes. "Please, help. Please, help my baby." She touched her face, said "I'll try," and then continued with the orders.

  
Cordy ordered Spike to hold her shoulders down, while Angel held her legs to keep her from moving. Only a vampire could hold the slayer down when she was in that much pain. Due to the excitement and fear at that time, no one really understood that Cordy really knew what she was doing. They just reacted. She ordered them to get her more towels, to get alcohol from the first aid kit, to get the needle and thread ready and watched her as extracted the baby from her womb.

Working efficiently, Cordy cut the baby's cord, turned it over so that it's head was facing the floor and gave it three somewhat light, yet forceful pats on the back with the heal of her hand until the mucus was released and the baby started crying. Grabbing another towel, she wrapped the baby and gave it to the shocked father. "Robin, here hold your son. Congratulations, mommy and daddy, it's a boy." Robin stood stiffly as the crying child was placed in his arms. He seemed afraid to move, afraid of dropping or jarring in any way the new member of the family.

For a moment, they all smiled, before Cordy returned to the task of stopping Faith's bleeding. All the while, talking to her charge in a soft gentle tone about how proud she was of her and how she would be a wonderful mother. It took longer to stop the bleeding than to take the baby out, but in three hours the entire ordeal was forgotten as Faith held her son in her arms. No longer was she veiled, her emotions clearly on her face. Love, hope, joy, and pride were evident in the new mommy's face. "Thank you so much Cordy. God, I can't believe it."  

"You're welcome, Faith. Like I said, you're going to be a wonderful mommy and Robin's going to be a great daddy. Congratulations." Cordy had tears in her eyes; she couldn't believe that she had done it. SHE, Cordelia Chase-Angel, had done it. She actually remembered how to do a C-section and it worked. They were all fine now. The relief flooded her body as the tension gained in working for three hours became evident. Her own pregnant body was stiff and she really needed a hot soak in the tub and a nice massage from her husband.

Now came the hard part of naming the little bundle of joy. The two new parents quietly argued about names, while the others cleaned up and went over the plans again, this time excluding the slayer from the break in. 

Cordy excused herself to take a shower in order to relax. Well, the point was to relax. Instead, it brought more tension as Cordy realized what she had done. They saw her; they'd soon figure it out. Oh. God. She silently cried in the shower, tears not apparent as the water flowed down, tears disappearing into the drain, never to be seen to anyone.

_But through my tears breaks a blinding light  
Birthing a dawn to this endless night  
Arms outstretched, awaiting me  
An open embrace upon a bleeding tree_


	7. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six: This went better than last time.**

The night sky seemed to hum. 

Silence the only sound as the masked men broke into the Magick Shop. Wesley, Gunn, Spike and Angel worked quietly in trying to pick the lock of the shop. Gunn quickly took over the task, his days "borrowing" things from the shops in order to feed his people making him a pro at picking the little dead bolt lock. No one said a word as the security system was pulled apart by Angel. The book was under lock in the owner's office. That lock was rapidly picked as the book was lifted out and handed to Wesley. 

  
Wesley quickly skimmed the book in order to figure out what type of supplies they need. Thank the PTBs most of it was already in the Magick Shop. There was no need to wait to get supplies. Wesley whispered the names of the roots, herbs, candles, and resources that they would need as they all grabbed them and gave them to Wes. Soon the black backpack that Wesley brought with him was filled to capacity. They had all that they needed. 

The men, still quiet, locked the doors and walked out. The masks shed to reveal the hottest guys any girls had ever seen. The black shirts also taken off, as the men walked around town seemingly just out for a stroll. 

"Hey, you know this went better than the last time we tried to steal something. Remember the shroud where we all went insane or that pyramid thing that helped us find Cordy. 'Cause I got fried by Gwen trying that one. Or the time…" Gunn was interrupted by Wesley who liked to think of the glass half full, "Yes, but we did get them. We stopped the insanity and rescued Cordy from the 'boring white place' as she calls it. And now we have pulled the heist off without a hitch."

Ahh. They groaned. That did it, Wesley jinxed them. 

"Now, you did it you dumb poof. We're never gonna get out of here now." 

They started to walk more quickly walking past one of the many graveyards that Sunnydale had. They had just gotten to the edge when all of a sudden there was a quick flash of something dark that launched itself at Spike and tackled him to the ground. A stake was held against his chest. 

"Buffy, NO. Don't stake him. He won't hurt you." Angel pleaded. 

She looked at him, shock clouding her eyes. How could he tell her to stop? Spike tried to kill her. Many times. He deserved to be staked. He was evil.

Spike underneath her, looked at his former lover. How young she was. How utterly selfish. Blind and Stupid. She never saw anyone besides Angel during these years. She'd never love him, but the love for her still burned inside of his cold un-beating heart. He longed to touch her, to kiss her, to make her forget about Angel. To tell her that Angel didn't love her anymore, that he loved Cordy, his princess. That he'd moved on without her, started a family without her, and hardly thought about her anymore. He longed to express his love for the strong slayer. But instead, he just stared. Waiting until the past became the present and he'd be with her, even for that short while.

Buffy, looking down with disgust on her face, quickly got off Spike. "What the hell are you all doing out here? I tried to find you, but you all disappeared. I thought that you left already. I mean come on, you freaking fall out of a portal, then you just leave us in the library without an explanation. Who are you? What are you? Are you some sort of shape shifters or something?"

"I believe the question you should ask is when are we? But we really don't have time for you, Buffy. So why don't you keep on patrolling for vampires or something and let us go on our way," Wesley lectured. He couldn't believe her. She was the stupidest girl. Why couldn't she just leave them alone.  He waved her away with his hand and continued to walk towards the hotel. 

Wesley wasn't the only one getting sick of Buffy's insistent nature. Angel wanted nothing more than to check on Faith and Cordy. He was worried about them both. Faith because she'd gone through an awful lot in such a short time and Cordy because she seemed so sad after the baby was born. He couldn't understand. His wife was wonderful. She always knew what to do. He smiled thinking about the times that she patched him up. How she always called him a dork, but how her eyes would also have that worried glint in them, afraid for him, yet not letting that fear show by laughing and smiling at him. He didn't know why she was so sad; She saved Faith's life. Never once did he think, how did she know what to do? He just knew that she was special.

Buffy tried to get in their way, but Angel had had enough. "Buffy, leave us alone. You have other things to worry about. Go. We don't need you now. I don't want to be mean to you, but you need to go away." She once again tried to stop him, "Angel…" 

"I said, go away! I'm serious. Go back to Giles, or go home. We're fine." 

"But…"

"Yo, girly, Leave. Go wash your hair or something." Gunn got tired of just watching. "We're busy."

They pushed past her again, this time she let them. How dare they talk to her like that? She needed to talk to Giles, something was really wrong with Angel. She needed to tell him she found him in the mansion acting like an animal. She needed to tell him that she was seeing him again. Buffy just hoped that Giles would understand. That's it, she'd tell him in the morning. She walked back towards the graveyard, wanting to forget the other Angel and those weird guys he was with and continued patrol for new vampires.

[Au_thors _Note: the next morning that whole thing with "Beauty and the Beasts" happens and she doesn't tell Giles until "Revelations."_]_


	8. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven: Ritual**

After the spectacle with Buffy, the boys returned to their safe haven. A dirty, disgusting haven, but a haven all together. They checked on the new parents and found them still arguing about a name. Spike interjected, "hey you ever thought about naming him Will--." "NO." "Fine, don't. But it's a fine name for a boy," he stopped for a moment, thinking, "Why bloody not? What are you going to name him then, Richard or some girly name like that?"

"There is no way we are naming him after you Spike," Robin began, but before he could continue Faith put her hand on his mouth, not wanting to start a fight right now. "Guys, we can pick a name when we get home. Can we go home now?"

"Absolutely, I've been reading the text. There are many good spells in it by the way, but it is really a simple spell. Which is really strange. If its this easy, why hasn't anyone else done it?" Wesley kept going. They all stared at him, nodding and smiling. Just nodding and smiling. 

"Oh. Shut up. I'm trying to sleep here, Wes. I don't want to wake Connor, just get to the point," Cordy was lying in the next bed with her son cradled in her arms, "Please; I just want to go home."

"Hey, Cordy, are you okay?" Angel came over to his wife, surprised to see the hidden tears in her eyes. 

"Yeah. I'm fine. Can we get back to this ritual? Can we go home now?"

"Yes. We can start it right now. We just need to go outside, preferably a clearing so that no one will see us." Wesley looked into their eyes, "If there's no objection, I say pack your things, Lets go." 

A half and hour later, their things were packed, and the children wrapped tightly in order to keep them from getting cold; they all got to the woods near Sunnydale University, near to where the entrance to the Initiative would be. Wesley lined up the candles, mixed the herbs, and started chanting for the portal to open. Their only hope was that it would open to lead them to their own time period and not some prehistoric time of dinosaurs. 

The wind change was sudden. The trees blew as if a storm were battering the leaves. The air grew moist, as if rain were falling. The lights grew in intensity as the opening of the portal grew larger. The brightness almost blinding. In one large move, they all jumped through the opening of the portal. 


	9. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight: Home Sweet Home??**

They landed in a heap, but being careful with Cordy, Faith, and the children so that they didn't get hurt. Slowly they opened their eyes to see the park in which Connor loved to play. 

It looked like LA, but what time period was it. They all walked towards the hotel, fingers crossed that this was home. They walked quite a distance until they got there. The hotel still looked the same. Nothing had changed. They came to the door way, opened the door and saw that the inside of the hotel was different. A new rug was lining the entrance of the hotel. A groan came from the ladies. "Oh god, we're not back home. This is some weird Alternate Dimension, isn't it?" Cordy had tears in her eyes. "What are we going to do? We can't go around jumping through portals like that weird show, Sliders."

"We'll think of something." Angel wrapped his arms around his wife. Trying to comfort her, when he didn't know what was going to happen.

Suddenly, a noise from the office drew their attention. "HEY, my little cupcakes. Hope you like the new present. One of our more wealthy clients decided to give the office some more color. They said it was from China. Practically an antique." They stared at him, not grasping that they WERE actually home. "You guys hungry, we can order Chinese? OR Tacos, if you feel like it Fred?"

Like a mob of panicked people, they rushed towards the green demon, and hugged him with all their strength. "Uh. Guys, I missed you too but breathing is becoming an issue. OH. MY GOD. That's a baby. You had the baby without me. That was rude. I was planning a family ritual that involves tying the placenta around your head and dancing with it."

They looked at him. "It was just a joke. You know I hate my family."

"Oh. Lorne, we missed you." Fred finally spoke. "I guess there is no place like home. HEY, we finally got to say it without some horrible thing happening. You know, like Buffy dying again. That girls just keeps coming back to life. Is she part cat or something?"

With that things started to get back to normal. Well as normal as things got in LA. No one thought of what Cordy did until about a week later.


	10. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine: No way**

_A week later_

Spike was bored again. Everyone was fussing over the new baby, whom they finally named Nicholas, after the baby's grandmother, Nikki Wood, the slayer. The arguments started up again about Faith not wanting to get married yet and he was just sick of it. He sat at the Princess' desk looking through one of her beauty magazines. Something caught his eye, the cover said that one of the articles included how you could keep your blond color without having that horrible washed out look. It looked interesting. Why not? He opened the cover to see what page it would be on and thought perhaps the article wasn't in English. Looking more close, it wasn't a fashion magazine at all. It was the Journal of American Medicine (JAMA). "Well, well well," thought Spike, no wonder she knows how to do a c-section. "Our little princess could be a doctor. She's a genius."

Keeping the article in hand, he looked through her section of the bookshelves, which usually contained hardcover 'horrible romance novels'. Spike investigated them. They weren't romance novels. They were just the book jackets. They were really medical textbooks. He thought it strange, so he went to ask Cordy about them. He never thought that it was a secret. He just thought it was for show; business wise, so no one would wonder why she practiced medicine on them without a license. 

Cordy was on the couch painting her nails because Angel refused to let her do anything. Boy, her husband was old. He still thought pregnant women should stay in bed all day and watch soap operas. (She refused to let Spike or Angel know, but she was actually getting into Passions.) The others were sitting around reading, playing with the children, or watching TV. 

Spike came up to here, not bothering to lower his voice and asked, "Why the hell didn't you go to Harvard Medical? I saw the letter of acceptance in one of your books. Why didn't you go? You could've been the best doctor on the planet. You could've been saving so many lives, like those doctors on ER."

With those questions, the most well kept secret she had fell out in the open.

Fear. Bunching up. Tight. Entraping. The one thing she has feared for so long had finally been brought to light. The secret she held so sacredly now exposed. She had finally been comfortable and safe; lived her life without the fear. She never thought that soon all that she held firmly in heart would be uncovered. 

She kept her head high looking at the others, who were staring at her, as if they had never seen her before. Hadn't lived, loved, and fought at her side before. All that she thought would happen was starting to happen. She would never again be looked at the same way again. 

She fought against this her entire life. How did he find out? It was not something that she'd left out in the open. No one had ever even attempted to look closer. For the most part, no one really cared to notice it. It wasn't even that well hidden. The hidden in plain sight philosophy had never worked so well. It had never failed in the past seven years, not once. Even in high school, her secret was well hidden.

Now it seemed that the one person she had counted on to be completely oblivious, the one who she could never see looking at those things, realized the truth. He, not knowing that it was a secret, told the others what he found. She should have known that he'd find them…he'd always looked through the other's things without asking. He always found things to make fun of the others. Now it seemed it was her turn to be humiliated, shamed, and hurt. 

She should have never tried to help Faith. NO…she couldn't think that. She had to help Faith. If she hadn't, they would have both died. She would have never lived with herself it they died because she didn't help her. 

Please God, don't let them figure it out. Please. Not when everything in her life had finally come together. She was married, had a little boy that called her mommy, and another baby on the way. They wouldn't understand. Angel would be hurt that she didn't tell him. 

They still stared at her. It seemed as if they didn't know what to say. Shock lined there faces. Her friends, no her family, couldn't seem to accept it. 

Spike, AKA William the Bloody, was the first to speak up, "I'm so sorry, Princess. I didn't know that they didn't figure it out yet." Turning towards the others, "You all are bloody blind. How could you have not noticed?" 

The gaping silence lingered a moment longer, while her family gathered their thoughts. 

Angel, her darling husband, spoke softy, his face showed his emotions. The fact that he was incredulous. "I can't believe this, Cordy. Why didn't you tell me?" 

  
This seemed to bring the others to life as Wesley, Fred, Gunn, Faith, and Robin all joined in to ask their questions. "Why? Huh? No way." 

Her face turned to stone. "Never show your emotions", her mother always said, "that's how the sharks know when to attack." She felt her face turn even darker as she heard her fathers voice, degrading and filled with displeasure, "the only good thing that Chase women are for are for looking pretty, being a gracious host at political events, and lying on their backs with their legs spread open." 

  
She couldn't let this happen. Her heart started racing, her face starting to flush as the instinct to run hit her. She had to go. Go before they started to laugh. She could face their anger, their shock, and their pity. But the one thing she couldn't face was their laughter. 

She turned and ran up the stairs to the room that she shared with Angel. She locked the doors and sat on the bed, her head down. She kept telling herself to calm down, that stress wasn't good for the baby. She closed her eyes and leaned over to lay on her side. A pillow clutched in her arms as the stone she became broke and she sobbed, now alone and able to cry. 


	11. Chapter 10

**Chapter Ten: Secret's Out, Fear's In**

They stood staring into the open space that Cordy had been standing in a moment ago. She ran up the stairs quicker than a pregnant woman should've been able to. 

  
Angel thought, "How the hell didn't I notice? She always knew how to patch everyone up." She always took care of Connor's colds, Wesley's allergies, Gunn's and Fred's scrapes, and his and Spike's impalements. He took an unneeded breath and climbed the stairs in order to talk to his best friend.

He knocked first, not hearing a response in either way, opened the door to find Cordy crying on the bed. Sorrow filled his being as he took her in. She was so upset, sobbing. He also caught a scent in the air. Fear. She was afraid. He walked closer to the bed, slowly sitting on the edge where she lay. Gently he placed a hand on her shoulder, her back facing him. "It's okay Cordy. We're proud of you. I don't understand why your so afraid. I'm here. I'm not going to leave you." He got closer to her, getting on the bed and lying down next to her. He settled himself so that his chest was spooned to her back, his arms wrapped around her middle, so that he could stroke her and the baby. "Why are you so upset that Spike found your book? Please talk to me." 

Her sobs slowed into whimpers as she calmed. "It's my biggest fear. That you'd all find out that I was smarter than I looked."

"What do you mean, Cordy, you've always been smart."

"I mean, my dream was to become a doctor, you know. Not an actress. I wanted to help people, but my parents said that it was a stupid dream. That Chase women don't work in menial labor jobs like that. They put me down. Said if I did it they'd disown me. There was no way that I would be one of those nerds like Willow used to be. I had to hide my books, my journals, my studies. They didn't know that I applied to Harvard Medical until after I was accepted. Somehow they found out. Someone on the acceptance board must know my father. They yelled at me, told me that they were ashamed of me and that the only thing I was good for was to marry a rich guy. In high school, my so-called friends would've made fun of me forever if I told them that I wanted to go into medicine. Only nerds went into medicine. No one ever knew that I was the smartest person in school. I'm not lying, Angel, I beat Willow every semester grade point-wise, but I'd hack into the school records and fix it so that I never showed up as #1 on the top ten list. My SAT scores were perfect. I could've gone to whatever school I wanted, but my parents lost everything due to the tax thing and they left me alone in LA. I couldn't go to college, I had nothing. Remember that nightmare day in Sunnydale in which whatever was your nightmare would happen to you in real life. My nightmare was that the chess team realized that I was a big nerd and took me away, forcing me to lose everything: my friends, my reputation, my self-esteem. All of it." She explained her feelings, all the while hoping that Angel wouldn't leave her. That he would understand that she loved him; she didn't want to keep it a secret, but that was how she was raised.

"I'm sorry, I never meant to keep it from you, but I was afraid that you'd all look at me differently. That you'd realize that I was a bigger brain than Wes and Fred combined and that you'd be jealous of me or something. I don't know… I really don't know what to do now. What will the others think of me now? Do they hate me?"

"Cordy, for the smartest woman I've ever known in my entire life, you're pretty oblivious. The others don't hate you. I don't hate you. We all love you. We've known about your medical knowledge the entire time. We just didn't realize you put that much work into it. I knew from the first time you put a bandage on me, Cor. Trust me, nothing has changed. We just realize now that you could've been a doctor. I really don't care what your bastard father told you. You are special. Hell you were a higher being, remember. You're a princess, a seer, and a part-demon, ex-higher being. You saved Faith and Nicky with your knowledge. That's what matters. You saved them. Not the seer, not the demon, YOU, Cordelia Chase-Angel. You. I love you and nothing you say to me will ever change that." 

Tears came again spilling over closed eyelids. She couldn't believe her luck. She'd met, married, and loved the most perfect man-pire in the whole world. He definitely had a way with words. "Oh. Angel, I love you." No words were necessary as she rolled over, put her hands on her husband's face and kissed him until there were no more secrets between them. She told him that. 

"No more secrets, I promise."

_Rest in me and I'll comfort you  
I have lived and I died for you  
Abide in me and I vow to you  
I will never forsake you_

**The End**


End file.
